| Hacking the Kingdom

Blending – do things to bring yourself closer to the person you’re interacting with.  Both verbal and nonverbal.

Nonverbal Blending – body language, personal space

Verbal Blending – tempo, volume, time and space (speak in past, present, or future?)

Live with passion; energy draws.

Responsibility = the ability to respond adequately and wisely to a situation, rather than just reacting to it.  The greatest leverage in life is your response to what the moment brings.

In small talk, remember these topics to bring up: work, family, hobbies, culture

To convey warmth: move, keep an open posture, face people at slight angle, smile, let other notice you noticing, position self just outside the person’s personal space, try to make the person you’re talking to feel like they are the only one in the room [more…]

1. They love to hear themselves talk.

2. They want to be heard and understood.

3. They are drawn to people who listen to them.
Start with who, what, where, when, and how. (not why, yet)

Ask for relevance between any two things.

You can always say, “tell me more…”

Listen for content AND emotion.

Hedge words cure that full disclosure hasn’t happened (maybe, pretty much, almost certain, pretty sure, etc)

4 Basic Styles of Communication:

1. Action – goal focused

2. Accuracy – detail focused

3. Approval – other focused

4. Appreciation – self focused

Match to communication style to click.

Chapter 5: Motivation to Click

Motivations come from either desires or fears.

Desire will move you forward when you have energy to spare, and fear will keep you going when your energy flags.6 Types of Motivation (each has desire/fear aspects)

1. Values

2. Reward

3. Challenge

4. Esteem

5. Purpose

6. Feelings

Look for values that are always on display.  Seek congruence with values.  We all are the same, the more general you get.  We’re all different the more in-depth you look.  Go as general as necessary to find congruence.

8 Keys to Clicking Over the Phone

1. Make sure the timing is right

2. Use the person’s name to hold her attention

3. Match voice volume

4. Reconcile talking speed

5. Conform your speaking rhythm to your partner’s

6. Match energy

7. Level vocal variety

8. Keep sentence length and word choices similar

4 Ways to Click During a Phone Interview

1. Use a landline

2. Be prepared

3. Hold the focus (no multitasking)

4. Listen and blend

8 Ways to Make Email Work

1. Be polite

2. Use the subject line

3. Keep it brief

4. Frame your message

5. Put out any flames

6. Only send to groups with permission

7. When sending to groups, keep addresses private

8. Watch the funny stuff

Increase Your Chances of Connecting (online social networking)

1. Ask for a recommendation

2. Ask for a referral

3. Recommend someone else

4. Make a referral

5. Make a new connection

5 Categories of Conflict Preventing Clicks

1. Strong, committed opinions

2. Meddling (overfunctioning)

3. Gossip (especially when the full loop is made)

4. Unconstructive criticism

5. Sarcasm

Rule #1: It’s Not About You – more often than not, it is about the other person and some inadequacy that they have

Rule #2: Ask Yourself if It Could Be About You

8 Ways to Resolve Trouble with Positions (opinions stated as facts)

1. Acknowledge the person’s importance

2. Find a way to agree

3. Respond favorably to the fact that the person is speaking up

4. Don’t back away

5. Don’t be pulled into an argument

6. Buy some time

7. Get more information

8. Get others involved

4 Ways to Handle Trouble with Criticism

1. Help Them Criticize You

2. Say Thank You

3. Accept What’s Valid About the Criticism

4. Ask for a Retrial (get them to backtrack and state what they would need to see to change their opinion)

5 Ways to Manage Trouble with Gossip

1. Ask your source for details

2. Ask the gossiper if it’s true she has been talking about you

3. Don’t let gossiper change the subject (insist on understanding if they were talking about you)

4. Use the interaction to get to know each other better

5. Plan for text time

6 Ways to Defuse a Meddler

1. Understand what makes them so hard to please

2. Don’t tell them they are wrong

3. Receive it as a gift

4. Give them something to do

5. Question your questioner

6. Be prepared with the answer

3 Ways to Handle Sarcasm

1. Have a laugh at your own expense

2. Take it at face value

3. Playfully put it back on them

Try to let people play a part in developing your idea.  In the wake of rejection, stop and go back (start over).

“Feelings happen, but thought requires energy.”  (Todd’s note: Resonates with Thinking, Fast and Slow)  Aim for using a combination of logic and emotion.

7 Signals to Add Emotional Attractivity to Your Ideas

(6) Understanding the Signal of Consistency

(7) Understanding the Signal of Scarcity

Keep it Short and Simple

Make your point clear from the beginning

Use statistics sparingly

Focus attention on what to do and why to do it

When you have confidence in your idea, repetition can help you get your ideas to click

State things three times

Make an opinion sound more like established fact

Getting people to click with your ideas isn’t about convincing them, It’s about helping them convince themselves.

Keep probing to get beyond blocks

Common Blocks:

Confusion

Hitting an Impasse

Getting Stuck

Inhibition

All or Nothing

Blame

Excuses

Arrogance

5 Strategies to holding group clicks:

1. Hold the focus.

2. Identify a positive common goal.

3. Treat people with respect.

4. Invite members’ contributions.

5. Keep people in the loop.

Roadblocks to Group Click:
Force of habit

Cynicism

Clearing the Roadblocks

1. Be consistent

2. Destroy walls

3. Build bridges

“Most of what’s good and worthwhile in life begins with a click.”